Tuesday, April 07, 2009

example of ongoing struggle

Do you ever feel like your choices are restricted—that you can’t make a wrong choice no matter how hard you try?

I’ve been wanting to watch this movie, Imagine Me & You. It’s not what I should be watching, but lately I’ve had a screw that kind of attitude. I went to YouTube and can only find trailers and deleted scenes. Hulu doesn’t have it. It’s not available to watch online on either Netflix or Blockbuster. My only option seems to be to rent it. But that could get tricky. I live with my sister and her children. I have a DVD player in my room, but I rarely close the door to my bedroom. I have an “all are welcome” policy. So if the door closed, there would be suspicion. I could bring the rental to work and watch it on my computer, but then there’s all the trouble of making sure the boss is not around and feeling guilty for watching a movie at work. Is the blasted movie really worth all the trouble?

And, probably by the time the rental came I wouldn’t really be interested anymore, so I would have wasted one of my rentals.

Which brings me to another topic: this have-it-now, indulgent, instant-gratification, self-satisfying society in which we live. It’s irritating that I get these urgent needs to appease the Rachel in me. I think I just may have talked myself out of it. See new quote at right.


  1. This is what those who are fighting an addiction do: create natural roadblocks in their environment, so that when they're weak, they still get time to think, call their sponsor and come back to their senses. I'm glad you got thwarted. I trust you'll be happier in the long run.

  2. That talk stood out to you too?

    In answer to your first question, sometimes I feel like the only choices in front of me are wrong choices, or that they all conflict with each other so much that I don't know which are right and which are wrong.

    Sometimes just giving it a little time will let the clouds part enough for me to make a decision. I just have to step back for a bit and catch my breath.

  3. Elder Hales' talk on Saturday morning.

  4. I personally think a "screw that" attitude is healthy sometimes. Part of keeping things in balance. That's just me, though. ;-)
    I've tried to be a good person for so long (well I'm still trying). And I like to think I do pretty well. But I look back on things in my teen years, for example.. I was reading my old journal the other day. I had felt SOOO incredibly guilty and awful about several things. And yes, some of that guilt was appropriate. But I was looking at that from where I am now (an adult, over 15 years after all of that) and realizing that I was a good kid! I didn't know it, but I was.
    So I cut myself a little slack nowadays.


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