Sunday, December 27, 2009

poem 2, Isabel

Far from peace,

I stand

with demons shrieking in my ears.

I wait

for the sound of her footsteps on the pavement.

I look

for reassurance in her cool, languid gaze.

I turn

as she passes and follow with my eyes.

I hesitate,

suspended in the wake of her determined step, her scent drifting from me, and

I breathe,

as if that alone will be enough. Then

I walk,

retracing her footsteps, keeping my distance, and

I hold

my breath as she turns to look across the street.

I slow

as she pauses, waiting to cross, and as the light turns

I lose

her in a sea of pedestrians.

I join

the throng and find her again on the other side.

I see

the outline of her figure as she leans waiting for the train.

I pause

watching her expression for recognition,

then I pass,

in the guise of the uninterested, inconspicuous, invisible.

I am not a stalker.

I am a spy.

Ellen dream

Early this morning I dreamed that Ellen Degeneres came to town, and she came to me to find out what there was to do and see here where I live. Essentially, she wanted me to show her a good time. I declined the invitation, however. Instead, I told her I knew of someone that could take her somewhere fun, and I called my friend Heidi, and she and her girlfriend came to pick up Ellen for the evening. Only I hadn't told them it was Ellen; I just told them I had a friend visiting. So they were pretty excited to discover it was Ellen. She called me a few hours later to tell me what a good time she was having. I won't tell you what they were doing. I just thought it was funny that I was her buddy.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

poem, Isabel

Waiting on a downtown sidewalk
At a bus stop at the end of the day
And watching the passersby,
I noticed this girl.
She walked by about 5:02.
Heading home, maybe?
I didn't know.
She just looked to me
Like someone fictional made real
And I decided to reverse the process.

She was pretty, slight of stature,
Always wore her hair tied back
And walked a certain way,
With confidence, purpose and a sense
Of detachment.
I gave her a name, a job,
A destination.
I created friends, parents, family,
And a lonely admirer at the bus stop.

This admirer, he imagined
Ways to attract her attention.
He wished he could talk to her
And walk her home.
It took another setting, though,
For her to notice.
She recognized him from
The bus stop she passed every day.

Now they're busy discovering each other
And they blame it all on that downtown sidewalk
Where I still stand at the end of the day
Waiting for the bus, and
Watching my inspiration walk by about 5:02.
What would she say if she knew
Who I had made her?

Monday, December 21, 2009


Okay, here's a question for you. I think most people would agree that women (females) need other women in their lives. But do men need other men? Do men get emotionally attached to other men? Gay or straight, I'm interested.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

this week's GLEE

Can I just express how glad I am that Emma is not marrying Ken, but I don't know how I feel about her being with Will. Just seems wrong right now.

GO Figgins for kicking Sue out on her arse.

Favorite Sue line: "You are about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: HORROR!"

The Glee cast has also given us a special treat for Christmas:

Available on iTunes! Yippee!

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

symptoms of codependency

I was reading back in my journal and found this list I made three years ago. Of course, none of these currently apply to me now, since I'm not enamored by anyone. ;) But it is somewhat sobering to read through such a list and look at the person you once were.

My symptoms of codependency (taken from Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More):

  • I allow myself to be manipulated by other people’s emotions.

  • I am often hostile toward my mother, and toward others who I feel are trying to control me.

  • I feel responsible for people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, etc.

  • I feel anxiety, pity and guilt when others have a problem, and I feel compelled to help people solve their problems.

  • I anticipate others’ needs, and I wonder why others don’t do the same for me.

  • I do things for others that I don’t really want to do.

  • I try to please others instead of myself.

  • I feel different from everyone else.

  • I fear rejection, or that people will leave me.

  • I am afraid of making mistakes/I expect myself to do things perfectly/I am rarely satisfied with what I accomplish.

  • I have difficulty making decisions.

  • I have a lot of “shoulds.”

  • I believe that some people (men) couldn’t possibly love me.

  • I settle for being needed.

  • I tell myself that circumstances are not as bad as they are.

  • I tend to get compulsive about spending.

  • I tend to rearrange my schedule around the person I am interested in.

  • I lose interest in the things I like to do.

  • I wonder if I will ever find true love.

  • I ask for what I want and need without just saying it.

  • I tend to say things either to please or to provoke.

  • I say I won’t tolerate things from people, but then my tolerance level gradually increases until I allow things I said I wouldn’t.

  • I lack trust in myself and in others.

  • I’m extremely responsible.

  • Sometimes I find it difficult to feel close to people.

  • Sometimes I find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous.

  • I tend to stay loyal to my companions even when they continue to hurt me.

  • I’m often confused about the nature of the problem.

  • I’ve gone through periods of feeling lethargic, depressed, withdrawn and isolated.

  • When I am involved with someone, I tend to neglect my other friends and responsibilities.

why I love Jane Lynch

Does anybody else think this is as funny as I do?


Let me explain. In case you haven't heard, Jane is Xbox's new celebrity spokesperson. I have watched ALL of these videos.

Jane Juice sounds excellent!