Tuesday, December 01, 2009

symptoms of codependency

I was reading back in my journal and found this list I made three years ago. Of course, none of these currently apply to me now, since I'm not enamored by anyone. ;) But it is somewhat sobering to read through such a list and look at the person you once were.

My symptoms of codependency (taken from Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More):

  • I allow myself to be manipulated by other people’s emotions.

  • I am often hostile toward my mother, and toward others who I feel are trying to control me.

  • I feel responsible for people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, etc.

  • I feel anxiety, pity and guilt when others have a problem, and I feel compelled to help people solve their problems.

  • I anticipate others’ needs, and I wonder why others don’t do the same for me.

  • I do things for others that I don’t really want to do.

  • I try to please others instead of myself.

  • I feel different from everyone else.

  • I fear rejection, or that people will leave me.

  • I am afraid of making mistakes/I expect myself to do things perfectly/I am rarely satisfied with what I accomplish.

  • I have difficulty making decisions.

  • I have a lot of “shoulds.”

  • I believe that some people (men) couldn’t possibly love me.

  • I settle for being needed.

  • I tell myself that circumstances are not as bad as they are.

  • I tend to get compulsive about spending.

  • I tend to rearrange my schedule around the person I am interested in.

  • I lose interest in the things I like to do.

  • I wonder if I will ever find true love.

  • I ask for what I want and need without just saying it.

  • I tend to say things either to please or to provoke.

  • I say I won’t tolerate things from people, but then my tolerance level gradually increases until I allow things I said I wouldn’t.

  • I lack trust in myself and in others.

  • I’m extremely responsible.

  • Sometimes I find it difficult to feel close to people.

  • Sometimes I find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous.

  • I tend to stay loyal to my companions even when they continue to hurt me.

  • I’m often confused about the nature of the problem.

  • I’ve gone through periods of feeling lethargic, depressed, withdrawn and isolated.

  • When I am involved with someone, I tend to neglect my other friends and responsibilities.


  1. Quite the list.

    Not enamored with anyone?? I do not believe you...

  2. some of those sound completely normal

  3. I have a lot of those qualities. Not any of the depression ones. But of the others, quite a lot. and yet I don't consider myself a codependent at all. And I don't think I'm in denial. I grew up in the school of hard knocks and I'm a firm believer in it. In fact watching my codependant in-laws try to parent my drug addict brother in law (competely codependently) makes me go bat-shit crazy. So what do you make of that, Dr. Freud?

  4. I think we all have symptoms of most forms of mental illnesses. It's how these "symptoms" affect us, specifically our ability to function normally and be happy.

  5. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!


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