Tuesday, December 01, 2009

symptoms of codependency


I was reading back in my journal and found this list I made three years ago. Of course, none of these currently apply to me now, since I'm not enamored by anyone. ;) But it is somewhat sobering to read through such a list and look at the person you once were.

My symptoms of codependency (taken from Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More):



  • I allow myself to be manipulated by other people’s emotions.

  • I am often hostile toward my mother, and toward others who I feel are trying to control me.

  • I feel responsible for people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, etc.

  • I feel anxiety, pity and guilt when others have a problem, and I feel compelled to help people solve their problems.

  • I anticipate others’ needs, and I wonder why others don’t do the same for me.

  • I do things for others that I don’t really want to do.

  • I try to please others instead of myself.

  • I feel different from everyone else.

  • I fear rejection, or that people will leave me.

  • I am afraid of making mistakes/I expect myself to do things perfectly/I am rarely satisfied with what I accomplish.

  • I have difficulty making decisions.

  • I have a lot of “shoulds.”

  • I believe that some people (men) couldn’t possibly love me.

  • I settle for being needed.

  • I tell myself that circumstances are not as bad as they are.

  • I tend to get compulsive about spending.

  • I tend to rearrange my schedule around the person I am interested in.

  • I lose interest in the things I like to do.

  • I wonder if I will ever find true love.

  • I ask for what I want and need without just saying it.

  • I tend to say things either to please or to provoke.

  • I say I won’t tolerate things from people, but then my tolerance level gradually increases until I allow things I said I wouldn’t.

  • I lack trust in myself and in others.

  • I’m extremely responsible.

  • Sometimes I find it difficult to feel close to people.

  • Sometimes I find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous.

  • I tend to stay loyal to my companions even when they continue to hurt me.

  • I’m often confused about the nature of the problem.

  • I’ve gone through periods of feeling lethargic, depressed, withdrawn and isolated.

  • When I am involved with someone, I tend to neglect my other friends and responsibilities.

5 comments:

  1. Quite the list.

    Not enamored with anyone?? I do not believe you...

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  2. some of those sound completely normal

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  3. I have a lot of those qualities. Not any of the depression ones. But of the others, quite a lot. and yet I don't consider myself a codependent at all. And I don't think I'm in denial. I grew up in the school of hard knocks and I'm a firm believer in it. In fact watching my codependant in-laws try to parent my drug addict brother in law (competely codependently) makes me go bat-shit crazy. So what do you make of that, Dr. Freud?

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  4. I think we all have symptoms of most forms of mental illnesses. It's how these "symptoms" affect us, specifically our ability to function normally and be happy.

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  5. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

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