Friday, February 18, 2011

favorite quotes from this week's Glee

I think Brittany wins for the best one-liners this week, but there were some other good ones as well. Here are my favorites:

I wore a tank-top today because I thought it was summer. No one ever taught me how to read a calendar.

So sorry to not be sorry for interrupting, but do you mind if I borrowed one of your rafters so I can hang myself?

I'm at the end of my Lauren rope. I'll do anything to get into those enormous pants.

Rachel: I want my allowance back right now!
Brittany: It's already gone. My uncle lost his job and his goat was going hungry, so I spent it on food for the goat. I mean--sort-of. The goat just ate the money.

Now, as you may know, I have a background in music. For a brief period, I was a tambourine player for Wilson Phillips.

Honestly, although my love would crush him, I'm totally turned on by the Biebster [Justin Bieber]. That is, until I remember that he looks like he's 12, and then it's sort of creepy.

Puck: Can I touch your knockers now?
Lauren: Only if you want to lose a hand.

My carousel horse sweater should make me look like an institutionalized toddler, but no--I look hot and smart. I feel like Michelle Obama.

Listen Rachel, I'm going to give you some tough love right now. You're not a trendsetter. When people look at you, they don't see what you're wearing. They see a cat getting its temperature taken, and then they hear it screaming.

Santana to Sam
Despite the fact that your mouth-to-face ratio is like way off, you still somehow manage to be cute. But make no mistake, every time you open your humongous mouth to do an impression or moisten an enormous stamp for a lazy giant, you take one step closer to everyone seeing that you are actually a dork.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

All About Us

I have finally decided on a title for the MJ story:

All About Us

Because it is. And it seems like no matter how many other titles I toss around, that one keeps coming back. So I guess it's meant to be.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

I love the temple

It was really good to be back at the temple yesterday, after missing my shift last week due to visiting my brother. Being back there, among the sisters of my shift, weighted by my responsibility of being an ordinance worker and a latter-day saint, feels good and right. I feel like my authentic self in the temple---happy, selfless, friendly, empathetic and loving, and very likeable. It's the me I like to be. It reaffirms to me that I never want to make any kind of decision that would prevent my being worthy to be there. I never want to be banished from the Lord's house because of some choice I made for temporary satisfaction. I love it there.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


Last night my sister asked me if I had ever learned how to flirt. I guess she assumed, because I didn't date much, and didn't hang out with boys much, that I didn't get much of an opportunity. And she may be right in that assumption, for the most part. But somewhere along the way, I learned. I flirted with boys. I am not socially awkward, usually. I can, in fact, flirt, as some of you already know.

Just to prove it, I give you exhibit A, a text conversation between Colbie and me:

me: Hi. How are you?
her: Doing lovely. How are you? I miss your face! How is work?
me: Keeping busy...but I want to write stories today. May I write you in?
her: Of course! Is it fiction? Make me semi-normal, will you? Really though, what do you write?
me: Yes, fiction. What is normal?
her: Cute, smart, commitment-keeping
me: Cute and smart I could do... Have you felt well? I thought maybe I could make the character fragile and sickly.
her: Ha ha. I went to the doc, so we'll see. I like the fragile and sickly idea.
me: yes, it's romantic
her: I'm sure someone might find it so. Maybe. Hopefully... :)
me: What do you want your romantic interest to look like? Reddish hair? Freckles? Pale or ruddy?
her: I like hair. Red is fine. Maybe glasses? Could he be tall, by any chance? Maybe LOVE country music?
me: Tall is good. Glasses could be sexy. I don't know how believably I could write about loving country music though.
her: It's not you loving it--so it's doable, right?
me: Well, I'm amazing. So I guess I could do that. For you.
her: Ha ha. Thanks, from my fictional self.
me: I might need some more time with you. You know, to make the character more realistic.
her: Yes, please! Did [our coordinator at the temple] put you up to this as a ploy to get me to the shift?
me: No.
her: When you say we should spend more time together, do you mean you and Larry? [the guy she's trying to set me up with...that's his real name]
me: As long as you're there.
her: That sounds wicked boring and not date-like in the least.
me: You're right. Let's leave Larry out of it.
her: boo