Friday, November 14, 2008


A very interesting thing happened yesterday. The interesting part has to do with me and my reaction to what happened. In an email around noon, MJ wrote, regarding JP: “…as for that boy, I think we will just be friends. I'm not feeling much of anything with him anyway. :)” I had been feeling okay about everything, but with that announcement, a very tangible burden lifted itself off of me. Suddenly I felt happier. Because JP was no longer a threat? Because subconsciously that meant to me that she would no longer be preoccupied with him? I don’t know exactly why I felt better, but I did. And then, when she came to our house, she was calmer, more at ease, more relaxed. And since I was feeling better too, we got along just like we had before all of this transition stuff even took place. I mentioned it to her too, that she seemed more relaxed, less stressed, and she agreed. So now I wonder, is she back? Is she “mine” again? All of these positive changes that were going to happen--is my love affair with codependency going to just shrug them all off and I’ll just find myself back in my comfort zone? Heaven forbid! As painful and as frustrating as it has been lately, it was the beginning of a change that both of us needed. How can I abandon that path now?

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