shifting focus

Last night may have been the first night in perhaps years that MJ left my house without giving me a hug. And it’s usually she that says she needs it. We watched a TV show and when it was over she got up and wandered over to the kitchen closet where she hangs her car keys, ready to take off. Usually she follows me down to my room to get her hug, then lingers in my doorway while I make my bedtime preparations. I think it’s official. She is ready and trying to detach. There will be no going back to how it used to be.

Of course today I am obsessing (not as much as I normally would—it hasn’t upset me) about the lack of hug. It was always very important to her. Now I’m naturally wondering why. Is this a conscious decision and part of her plan to detach? Did she not smell very good and didn’t want me to get too close? Is this how it’s going to be now? She did say something about how JP hugs everyone and often. She doesn’t like that—says it makes them common and less important. But in the past she rarely missed a day without a hug from me.

She’s trying to figure herself out now—trying to determine why she attaches herself to older women. And how to break the habit. I’ve been trying to figure her out for years. But maybe it’s time to leave the investigation in her own hands.