An interesting anonymous question popped up over on my Formspring page. It required a little research to find the answer, so I thought I'd post it.
How old were you when you discovered/decided you were gay?
I was 30. Remember that Russian duo, the two young girls that made up a band called t.A.T.u.? They made this music video for their song "Ya Soshla S Uma" ("All the Things She Said") wherein they sang dressed in school uniforms in the rain. I turned on MTV one afternoon and it happened to be playing. It was the first time I had ever seen girls kissing. I found it fascinating and disturbing at the same time. I don't know how many times I watched that video. It may be even more disturbing to me now, realizing how young those girls were...
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oh that's awful.
ReplyDeletei've never seen that video before.
I'd much rather picture girls playing in the rain together.
I found it fascinating and disturbing as well. If I recall - they were also a couple?
ReplyDeleteI think they were only a couple as far as their marketing was concerned. I understand they're both married now, to men, and at least one has children.
ReplyDeleteSo what was going through your head, as far as boys/girls the first 30 years, before that video?
ReplyDeleteAs far as I remember, in my mind I was pursuing a couple of things. One, what was expected of me (and what I expected from myself), which was a relationship with a boy. In fact, I wrote in my journal around this same time that there was this guy in my ward whose attention I was trying to win. I thought maybe if we hung out some, something might happen. And two, I was always looking for mothers, though that, I know now, was mostly subconsciously. It was some time before I allowed myself to let emotional attraction to females evolve into physical attraction.
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