lust

I have recently decided that when I feel like kissing a girl, it stems from some natural (or carnal), mortal appetite in my body. It's about lust, not love. When I'm feeling love for someone--that joyful, insatiable desire to just squeeze a person and have them know how much they mean to me, I have no such appetites for inappropriate intimacy. I just want to somehow communicate how much value I place on a particular person or relationship. It's interesting, as I consider certain relationships, how this information can change the way I view them.

For instance, there are certain people that just make me happy when I see them. I feel no inhibitions around them. I just want to run and hug them and find out how they're doing and bask in their smile. These individuals are "safe" for me. And then there are others that I feel cautious around. I sneak glances at them, I watch them for signs and for clues. I feel their hesitation toward me, instead of acceptance. I want to know them, want to feel comfortable and valued in their presence, but there is some barrier there. Whether the barrier is in me, or in them, I don't know. But these aren't safe people. They're probably people I should avoid. And yet, the mystery draws me to them. I get all wound up in analyzing my interactions with them, when I could just be at peace. I could just be hugging all the safe people and being a happy person all the time. But that's boring.