Rachel's regret

She sat swirling,
dazed, burdened, wondering,
retreating into a dark mental
miasma, only vaguely aware
of the body she had held,
warm and still and quietly
sleeping behind her.
She was cold, numb, choking
her breath, sickened by regret.
She would have to open the blinds again
and let in the sunlight.
She would have to call London.
She would have to admit what was done.
The call would cause pain. She would witness
indignation she had never seen.
She would be hated as much as she had been loved.