Thursday, October 30, 2008


The earth is trembling under my feet again. Just when I thought it was feeling steadier. This text came from MJ this morning:

I had a dream about JP last night, that he was missionary weird.

JP is a very cute red-headed boy in our ward who will be returning from his mission in a couple of weeks. MJ is very excited about this. Another kid just came back about two weeks ago, and her interaction with him has taught her about missionary weird—that social awkwardness that return missionaries are plagued with as a result of focusing on missionary work and abstaining from interaction with the opposite gender. I assured her that he indeed would be missionary weird. To which she replied:

MJ: Not around me he better not be.
me: Like he can help it. What are you going to do—attack him?
MJ: If I have to.
me: Oh boy. Look out, JP! (Best to keep the topic light…)
MJ: I’ve told him that in letters, so it’s not going to be a surprise.
And what else, exactly, have you told him in letters? This disturbs me. I would never want her to know how much. Didn’t I just do this? With AG, when her friend Cory came home from his mission? It doesn’t seem like that long ago, now that the same situation is staring me in the face again.

Before his mission, JP was very affectionate with MJ—with everybody. It’s not like he singled her out. But I know that affection is meaningful to her. It may have annoyed her at the time (or at least that was what she expressed), but she has admitted that she’s missed it while he’s been gone. Everyone teases her about marrying him. They practically grew up in this ward together, and they’ve been friends and rivals for a long time. I’m a little envious of something like that. JP’s mom was president of the young women’s organization when MJ was a laurel, and they got to be good friends. I was teasing her one day about being on such good terms with her future daughter-in-law. Although she loves MJ, she wasn’t too hopeful that JP had any specific plans about her. I remember feeling a little sorry for MJ, because if that was true, she’s getting her hopes up only to be disappointed. I’ve been there and it’s not fun. But how many young men tell their mothers who they’re interested in? The point is, none of us knows what’s going to happen.

Not knowing isn’t what bothers me. It bothers me that she’s dreaming about him, that she’s thinking about him so much that the thoughts are running over into her subconscious and manifesting themselves in dreams. I wonder if she dreams about me anymore.

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