Friday, October 24, 2008

detach

So now the inevitable occurs—that part in the cycle where I start to detach to try and protect myself, so that her distance won’t be so painful. Only it’s not the kind of healthy detach, where I occupy myself with other things and feel grateful for the opportunity. Occupying myself with other things isn’t currently keeping me from feeling depressed.

It doesn’t help that activity at work has slowed way down, and customers aren’t sending me the money they owe, hence I am having a hard time paying our bills, hence our vendors are calling and asking for money. That’s just stressful.

So that stress coupled with MJ stress plus my niece getting into bed with me last night, is probably responsible for my neck and back being tweaked again. So I’m not only experiencing emotional pain, but physical pain too. Oh, the joy of mortality.

(photo courtesy of Mike DeSantis)

4 comments:

  1. Obsessions are so fun in the beginning- energizing, thrilling, validating, filling our emtional tanks to the brim...
    When they end (regardless of the reason), we're so used to being filled up emotionally, anything below full, feels empty.
    In my own life, and in the lives of others the only thing I've seen that seems to get even close to replacing that emotionally full feeling, is focused activity, often on a major goal- like school, work, family history etc... It sounds like MJ has discovered that. I wonder if you could too....?

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  2. Still thinking...
    I wonder if our personal ambition actually gets diminished or even snuffed out by our emotional obsessions...? I'm thinking about that on the macro and micro level. Macro- someone doesn't pick a career or accept a job because it would interfere with their indulgence in their obsession. They may not be fully aware of it (in fact, they probably aren't), but if that obsession weren't such a big part of them, they would have likely chosen a different career path and been more successful. Micro- when we give into our obessions, we're no longer interested in our goals. We're so busy obtaining or enjoying that emotionally full feeling, longer-term (and nearly always, more valuable) goals just don't seem as important. In fact, we may totally rethink them in the moments of the obsession-filled mind.
    Just a thought.

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  3. Kimi, I so look forward to your comments. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    I TOTALLY get what you're saying about obsession interfering with ambition, and maybe that's actually a key, in my case...

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