Monday, March 02, 2009


At times I’ve played with the idea of writing a sort of memoir about my relationship with MJ. I’ve been encouraged by friends (well, just one friend, whose idea it was in the first place), and discouraged a lot by my own ability to self-sabotage. When it was suggested, I was too sensitive about it. I wasn't ready to relive it and dig up all of the bliss and the chaos and the pain. But I would like to do it. Just to do it. Just to have it. Maybe I'm ready now. But to publish it? I’m afraid it wouldn’t be good enough. I’m afraid of exposing myself to the world. I don’t care so much about people who don’t know me, but the people who do—even if I disguised all of the characters in the story—they would know what it was about. So do I write it and publish it under a pen name? Like Rachel Metz? :)

Especially after reading one of my favorite blogs this morning, where an author had written a memoir on a failed relationship and her experiences raising her son as a single mother, and getting a free digital copy of the book and reading some of it and realizing that I could do this—not as candidly as she did—but I could.

So where do I look for motivation? How do I push forward without losing steam?

p.s. The aforementioned book is rated R. Just so you know.


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  2. Just do it. You know you want to and I think you need to. You are a WRITER! Don't let your fears hold you back from at least trying. And if you're that worried about what people will think, use Alex (or Rachel - but she seems a little more scary if you know what I mean?). You CAN DO THIS!

    (Sorry that was me before, I forgot I was signed in under another account.)

  3. Writing has a way of allowing you to view and see things clearer. It has a way of unleashing feelings, ideas, impressions, concepts and "light" that maybe you wouldnt see if you just let it rattle around in your head, amongst all the other things rattling around in there. I think you should write your story. Having been where you are, having gone through some of the experiences you have, I wish I would have written my story. From my perspective. I have have lightly touched on it with some, and counceled others with parts of it. I think this experience has taught you things about yourself that others experiences might not. Help us to see that. I am not a writer. I wish I was. To be able to express myself on paper, would be relieving I would guess. So..... it might be a release for you, a way to expell stored up energy. Anyway, I wish you well in your endeavor. May it be what you need it to be. Many blessings, Kelley

  4. Do it!
    I made a glorious (beautiful) scrapbook of a full year or two of our lives (medical documents and everything. there was a lot). lovely scrapbook.. fabric cover and everything. Gorgeous.
    Then when I was angry as hell one day (and with no way to express that) I just chucked it in the dumpster. It was satisfying.
    BTW - that was not the first time I'd thrown things away relating to Em and our whole health 'journey.' Threw away bits and bits and piles at a time. Then I'd scrapbook and end up tossing that. I couldn't even get rid of all of the stuff she gave us (herbs and all that) myself. Had to give it to a friend to dispose of for me. That was traumatic. Terrible. But having those things from her was like having HER (HER) in the house. Had to ask a neighbor if that was normal. She said it wasn't.
    So now I have a box full of journals as I've rewritten everything.. Lovely pile I've got.
    Yes! Write. Or, if you want to join me, we can push a couch out of a front window. I've been wanting to do that off and on the last 24 mo. ;-)


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