the lingering effects

MJ came over last night, to give me her portion of the cell phone bill (she's part of my family's plan. It was a better deal for all). She stayed a while. She held the baby (my newest niece) and we talked some. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t really like me anymore, and that she really doesn’t want to spend time with me, and that she just comes over now because she feels like she needs to make an appearance once in a while. I still feel that sting of rejection. And yet, when she does show up, she hangs around for three hours. But her lingering didn’t make me feel any more loved; it just made me wonder why. I sat there and tried not to be preoccupied with how good she looks. I tried not to study her. I keep asking myself, when isn’t it going to be hard anymore? Is it hard for her too? It’s easier than it used to be, without a doubt. It’s just when I’m feeling premenstrual and sleep-deprived and I want some form of comfort, it would be so nice to have my MJ again.