expecting and daydreaming

MJ sent a text this morning, wishing me a happy day, but I kind of expected to see her. I didn’t really expect a present—that would have surprised me. But an appearance would have been nice. But I guess she has a late class on Thursdays, and she has a bad cold. So I suppose I didn’t want to see her anyway. But who am I kidding, of course I would have liked to see her—cold or no cold. I’d still want a hug. On my birthday.

Oh well.

Last night it rained. Or maybe it was early this morning. But afterwards it got very cold and the water froze on the ground, making the roads a little slippery. I like to drive the back roads to work. There’s less traffic and it’s more peaceful. But there are some hilly areas, and some steep drops. I imagined myself, for a moment, going too fast around a bend, hitting black ice and sliding off the road. I imagined my car rolling to the bottom, like in the movies. I imagined me not surviving. Wouldn’t that be cool? To die on your birthday? To leave the world the same day you came into it?