Thursday, September 18, 2008


The quandary has been dormant for a while, thank goodness. But I just don’t feel too happy today. Maybe it has something to do with hormones. Listening to Alanis Morissette always gets me thinking. The song in the car this morning—“Giggling Again for No Reason”—made me think about how long it’s been since I felt peaceful like that—just quiet and calm and grateful, with nothing worrying or bothering me. I can’t remember when that was. I know it hasn’t been years or any ridiculous length of time, but I can’t remember the feeling, and it’s a feeling I really like.

Oh, and I have always wanted to drive a Jaguar up Highway 1...
To listen, click here.


  1. I've noticed that when I'm unhappy with certain parts of my life, my Rachel makes an appearance. There's often nothing I can do about that part (or parts) that I'm unhappy with, but I've found my Alex again as I've invested my energies into the parts of my life that I AM happy with. Does that make sense?

  2. Well, for example.... say I'm unhappy with home life. Things happen that leave me feeling lonely or hurt- like magic, my Rachel appears and wants to draw me into her oh-so-ready-and-willing arms. If I give into her, I don't usually find peace there.
    But if I find myself feeling that way about home life and turn to other things that are good in my life- my work or my music, for example, Rachel doesn't stick around for long and I feel better. I find peace in the parts that are working. And I feel like they strengthen me to deal with the other stuff better.

  3. So what you're saying is that your Rachel is trained to come in and fill emotional voids when they appear, which she is not qualified to do? And instead of accepting her false promises of warmth and security, you wisely turn to more fulfilling choices--things that have actually helped fill voids in the past?

  4. Yeah, basically. I don't know if she's "trained" exactly. She's been known to make an appearance even when I'm happy- ie. "You're feeling so good- let me celebrate with you!" Or another favorite- "You're so happy, it's a bummer you can't be even happier with me." But she's much more compelling/ harder to resist when I'm down.


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