best of confession booth #6

I would never recommend that anyone go and read Mindi's Confession Booth. It's pretty much R-rated. But like an R-rated movie I simply must see, I like to skip over the nastiness and pick out the stuff that makes me laugh. I'm like one of those Cleanflicks employees who will remove the bad stuff you don't want to see so that you can enjoy the "rest" of the movie. I hereby give you:

best of confession booth #6

I haven't shaved my legs in a month and a half.

I HATE GREG OLSEN PAINTINGS!!!!

I think that I am going to die a virgin. And am jaded enough to believe I won't be missing out.

I sometimes think about what it would be like if my in-law's died and left us all their money.

I sometimes "embellish" things to one particular friend who is known as the neighborhood tell all. I love to see what gets twisted. I especially love when it gets back to me.

I ate a whole bag of Sweetheart large valentine's hearts over the weekend....I am going through sugar withdrawals. I think I will probably make my dentist rich this year. I think I am going to go buy another bag.

Mormons scare me.

I have eaten way too many no bake cookies. I always do when I make them, yet I continue to make them. On the bright side everything is moving along down there as it should be because of them.

I have done nothing but eat cookies, watch my tivo, and read these comments today.

Since my husband is sitting at work reading this, could you please ask him to bring home dinner?

I accidentally chipped the paint on the door of my husband's brand new car. I colored the chip in with a Sharpie.

I ate some dog jerky treat thing & actually liked it.

I bought another bag of Sweethearts. I will eat the whole thing probably....Why do I LOVE such a disgusting candy? After this I may have to become bulimic, or anorexic, or HCGic...

I tell people I'm 37, when I'm really 45.

I had a secret credit card. Then my husband died. I guess he found about it then.

Hey 5:16 yesterday. You didn't eat the whole first bag of sweethearts. I had 3.

Someone at work is stealing my peanut butter. I can't eat from that jar anymore.

I've sat here this morning for the past hour glued to my computer screen. I have also eaten almost an entire box of froot loops while reading. I can't seem to stop either behavior.

i hate when people say kthx or just sayin. it was funny the first time.

After reading these confessions, going grocery shopping is totally different. Really makes you look at people in a new light...

I am finding this very distracting as I am trying to get my Sharing Time for Sunday together.

I like sandwiches.

My husband is a jack ass.

It's 11:30pm and my dogs are barking outside . . . I hope it really annoys my neighbors!

current celebrity crush

Lea Michele, AKA Rachel Berry in FOX's Glee. Maybe I'm more enamored about her voice, but she's my favorite right now.

By the way, I'm looking for that kiss between Rachel and Finn in one of the first episodes, but no one seems to have posted it on YouTube. If anyone spies it somewhere, please let me know.

dream

Walking down a crowded corridor,

(a hospital? a school?, a grocery store?)

carrying or pushing something heavy, requiring both hands,

(a basket? a tub? a grocery cart?)

in a sea of faces I had a helper, an assistant

who shared the load with me.

She took hold of the other side,

and went with me down the hallway,

and somehow, I felt her fingers on mine,

even though they should have been on the opposite

side of the (basket? tub? grocery cart?).

I didn’t move them,

didn’t jerk away

like someone does when they

feel their space being invaded.

I let her touch them

and examine my hands.

She found a wound there.

I don’t know where it came from.

But she bandaged it.

And smiled at me.

poem 3, Isabel

She came into view yesterday, briefly

on Ninth Street. We waited together

at the stoplight. I absorbed the sight of her

like I had emerged from darkness to feel the

sun. We crossed as the light turned

and I resisted the urge to stop and watch

her continue on the other way.

All I ever get is a snapshot, a glimpse,

a momentary sighting. She comes and goes

as quickly as a star shooting across

the night sky. But like the star, the sight

of her remains in my mind, heavy like the taste

of chocolate on my tongue.

If only I could collect the snapshots and fill

an album, and linger in the pages as I had lingered

on the street corner. Then the collection of single images

could become a moving picture, a bonding of varied

stills to create something vivid and monumental.

Like a movie star, she will never be real.

prowly

Rachel is emerging from the shadows. And she's looking for someone to flirt with.

question of the day

Why do lesbians stereotypically like Subarus? Or is this old news and no longer true? I think they're kind of cute and I like that they're four-wheel drive, but I could never buy one because I'd feel obligated to place a rainbow sticker on the back bumper, even though I wouldn't even have to.

I'd rather have this, if I could afford it.

randomness

1. This is my favorite aspect of the blogging world: that all posts do not have to be as neat and tidy as essays.

2. I gained some weight over the holidays.

3. The reckless intake of sugar may have started around Halloween.

4. I’m trying to be okay with it, because I know my body will shed the extra weight as I get more active and eat better again, but it stinks when your pants are too tight.

5. I decided to change my meds a little bit, and so far I’m not seeing any difference in how I feel. Who knew plateauing was possible?

6. I woke up this morning feeling kind of discouraged, like I really had nothing to look forward to.

7. I hate that.

8. I bought a new laptop for myself for Christmas, although my family had donated to the fund.

9. It is lightening fast, and has a beautiful display.

10. I am enamored by it. I may give it a name.

11. But I probably shouldn’t become too attached.

12. Computers have minds of their own.

13. I may give my old one to my mother, but I wonder if that will cause problems.

14. She’ll want internet access, and she can’t afford it. She’ll want a Facebook account. She’ll try internet dating again. She’ll spend hours in front of the screen and believe everything she reads. She’ll end up complaining about all of the things the old computer can’t do.

15. Speaking of money matters, I may have exceeded my budget in the month of December.

16. It wasn’t from buying the laptop, because I saved for that. It was because I bought presents for all of my nieces and nephews.

17. And I really had a good time doing it.

18. Internet shopping ROCKS.

19. I only wish I could have seen all of their faces as they received them.

20. But I got to see some of the faces, and that was awesome.

21. I love when a quote you read turns on a light in your head. It’s amazing.

22. Work has been pretty monotonous.

23. But more companies seem to be spending money again.

24. I love the month of January. I love how motivated everyone is.

25. I wish that newness would last longer.

26. I need to come up with something I can look forward to.

more Jane

Jane could be a talk show host. Wouldn't that be a blast?